My Absurd Life

The Sandwich of Monte Cristo

 
I enjoy eating the Monte Cristo sandwich at Kenny's Restaurant in the Kamehameha Shopping Center on Oahu. Real roasted turkey with slices of deli ham and swiss cheese are sandwiched between two pieces of sweet bread french toast. Wish it came with a side of maple syrup; it can be a bit dry. I want to try other things on the menu, but I don't go to Kenny's often enough to risk not having what's tried and true.

Instead of a side of fries with my Monte Cristo, I opt for a cup of soup, which I figure is less fattening. It always seems to be some kind of dense chowder. There's probably a page devoted to creamy, lard-laden, gut-building chowders in "Eat This, Not That," with five plates of fries being the equivalent of one bowl of chowder. Oh well.

Fake miniature food - "Raw fish and squid over rice - to go, please..."

 

Here's the plastic version of a prepared takeout meal at a Japanese supermarket. Pop open the cover for maguro (tuna), salmon, scallops, shrimps and ika (squid) over rice. The sticker price shows 980 yen, which is about $11 at the current exchange rate.

The fake set comes with a bottle of shoyu.

Erasers you want to eat -- Japanese box lunch with sausages

My money is well spent on these Japanese fake foods because ... um, oh yeah, they're also erasers; they have a purpose. Of course, I'll never erase with them, but I could.

On the left is what you get when you take apart the set. This fun feature makes it an educational toy -- again, ahem, money well spent -- if kids don't swallow and choke on the little pieces of fake food. 

On the right, the finished product -- a bento (box lunch) of rice, ume (pickled plum), sausages and an omelette topped with ketchup. The lettuce adds a nice and colorful touch.

Itadakimasu! (Let's eat!) 

Real food - Nachos from La Taqueria De Ramiro in Honolulu

 
Loaded!
 
La Taqueria De Ramiro is a small taco place in downtown Honolulu on Fort Street Mall. It has lines of college students and office workers waiting to get their Mexican food fix. Lots of students usually indicates big portions and affordable prices. Ramiro has got that down. The food isn't drowning in oil and it's not super salty, so some may find it bland. But it's perfect for my palate.

I usually order the vegetarian (tofu, zucchini, peppers, cheese, rice and black beans) burrito with lots of salsa. The wrap costs $5; and I can make two meals out of it. Occasionally I splurge, calorie-, carnivore- and dollar-wise (yeah, right, like $6.85 is a king's ransom) on the super nachos.

Above and below are pics of the loaded dish, which I get with carnitas (pork). It comes with cheese, guacamole and tomatoes. I don't do sour cream. I could split the nachos into two meals, but I never want to. Plus, the chips would get soggy. So I feel disgustingly satisfied after eating this.

The salsa is a slightly hot, green one, and I saw the owner guy, Angelo Hernandez, grilling up chiles to make it. The guy likes to chat you up. From my conversations with him (but with a feeble memory), I believe his dad is Mexican and his mom is Japanese American, and she lived in a mainland internment camp during World War II. Before coming to Hawaii, he helped run the family's longtime taco stand in California.

I also like Ramiro's carne asada (steak). The meat is the most flavorful of the bunch.

Chunky!

Shrink-wrapping dessert

When I was your age, ice cream came in half-gallon cartons. None of this wimpy 1.5 quart stuff. Back then, you could really binge the emotional pain away.

Japanese fake miniature food - The Gift of Beef

The beef set comes with all of these separate pieces. I love the lettuce. And check out the charcoal briquettes.

 

Put 'em all together, and here's what you've got...

Fake miniature food - Japanese school lunch with curry rice

 

On the menu: Curry rice, French salad (with raisins and mandarin orange slices), yogurt and for dessert -– yatta! (yes!) -- strawberry shortcake with a Santa on top.

A card inside the box provided a trip down memory lane: "Nostalgic Episode."

“When you were serving lunch in school, you gave a bigger portion of curry rice to the boy you liked. … While your heart pounded, he took the curry and said, ‘Arigatou.’ That day, you returned home skipping. …”

(Some meanings may have been harmed in translation.)

Fake miniature food - "Grandma’s Gentle Care" set

The Japanese fake food sets are the best because they give you insight into Japanese culture as well. When you were sick, how did Grandma take care of you? Did she make chicken soup and put vapor rub on your chest? Here’s what Japanese Grandma, or obaachan, did, old-school style.

From her kusuribako, or medicine box, she would take out the medicine that soothed whatever ailed you. In a yukihira-nabe, or pot, she’d make okayu, an easily digestible rice porridge that’s basically bland, mushy, watery rice. Here she’s topped it with a red pickled plum for flavor. If it’s too hot, she blows on each spoonful to make sure it’s just the right temperature.

Rest your head on the cool mizumakura, or rubber pillow filled with water, while obaachan uses an oroshigane to grate an apple so it’s easier to eat.

An accompanying card revealed what obaachan would say while taking care of you. I’ve translated the first and last part. The middle was more than my skills could handle.

“Oh my, you have a fever. You probably caught a cold. I’ll take care of you … There’s no need to worry because obaachan will stay by you, so take your time and just get better. Tomorrow, if your fever goes down, you can go out and play again.”

It’s nice to know that grandmas are grandmas wherever you go. For some fortunate kids, or kodomo, grandmas are loving, kind, attentive and willing to spoil you in their own special way.

Fake miniature food - Mexican Dinner

The Japanese say "Ole!" to these fake food sets. So do I. My favorite part about this one is the lime slice you put atop the beer.

Fake miniature food - BBQ Night

 

In Japan, they sell boxes of fake miniature foods ($4 - $7), which come with candy or gum. I have a fascination with food and even tiny plastic ones can whet my appetite. I love the attention to detail on these cute pieces. Some are actually hand-painted; I hope not by kids in a Chinese sweatshop. The steak above is raw on the top and cooked, with grill marks, on the other side! The tongs work, too.

There are different sets in a series and you don't know which set is in a box. So you may end up with two or three BBQ Nights while trying to score Pizza Night. My favorite miniature fake foods come from the Japanese food series. In the coming months, I'll post all the ones I've wasted my hard-earned money on.