People have had great success in making these habits a part of their daily dysfunctional lives. You can, too, if you want to be miserable. Or, use this list to avoid becoming one of us, I mean, them.
1. Wallow in regret.
Let your past define you. Let your physical, mental or socio-economic challenges hold you back. Do not be inspired by Stephen Hawking, Imaculée Ilibagiza, Maya Angelou, Nelson Mandela and others who have triumphed over adversity. Always think in terms of: “Poor me” and “Why me?”
2. Focus on fear.
Be paralyzed by fear … of failure, rejection, confrontation, looking stupid, getting fat, flying, spiders and those reborn dolls. Be so afraid of dying that you don’t really live.
3. Live in a compound or become a shut-in.
Keep contact with the outside world to a minimum so no one can hurt you. Or help you. Just you and your like-minded negative thoughts. Soon, sleeping in an oxygen chamber, misanthropy and raising alpacas in your one-bedroom studio apartment will seem perfectly fine.
4. Reject change.
You’re used to being depressed, drunk or bitter. Why take the chance of ruining that with a little happiness? Counseling, rehab and forgiveness require effort and a willingness to change. It’s easier to go on an eating binge. Or simply do nothing and die unfulfilled.
5. Loathe yourself.
Absorb every hurtful comment you’ve ever received and reflect it in your stooped walk, timid talk and sloppy dress. Point out your faults to others. Eventually, you’ll convince them to treat you with less respect. Belittle yourself before others do because every single person in the whole wide world is exactly the same – a jerk. Know that you can’t do any better than “friends” who suck the self-esteem right out of you. Your loser personality draws them like hyenas to a sickly, three-legged gazelle with an open wound.
6. Never help others.
What if instead of waiting for change, you made it happen? What if you used the hardships you’ve faced to help others? Heavens, no! That might lead to feeling good about yourself. And that would be bad. Plus, you’d most likely meet nice, caring folks who value what’s on the inside of a person. How horrible.
7. Do not, under any circumstance, believe YOU deserve to be happy.
This will ensure that you stay miserable for the rest of your life. And isn’t that what you want?
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