My Absurd Life

How to respond when a rude person says, "Did you get a nose job?"

Rude person: "Did you get a nose job?"
You: "Yeah, do you want a referral?"

How to respond when a person asks, "What's your position on marriage?"

Use when you don't want to get into a heated discussion...

Person: "What's your postion on marriage?"
You: "Sixty-nine."

How to respond when a rude person says, "When are you gonna get a real job?"

Rude person: "Still writing? When are you gonna get a real job?"
You: "After I finish my book: 'You Jerk Face.' I'm gathering material for it right now."

How to respond when a rude person says, "You're still just a clerk?"

Rude person: "You're still just a clerk after five years? What's the problem?"
You: "I'm having trouble kissing ass. Could you give me some advice?"  

How to respond when a rude co-worker says, "That's why you're not married."

Rude co-worker: "You can't cook rice? That's why you're not married."
You: "You say the nicest things. That’s what I tell HR all the time.

How to respond when someone says, "You're strange."

Rude person: "You're strange."
You: "Funny, we were just saying that about you!"

How to respond when a rude person says, "Why are you so stupid?"

Rude person: "Why are you so stupid?"
You: "To make you feel better about yourself."

How to respond when a rude person asks, "Why aren't you married, yet?"

Rude person: "Why aren't you married, yet?"
You: "I'm afraid of ending up with someone like you."

How to responde when a rude person says, "You're weird."

Rude person: "You're weird."
You: "Well, we can't all be ordinary.

How to respond when a rude person says, "Were you under a rock?"

Rude person: "Nice of you to finally join us. Were you under a rock?"
You: "No, your husband."