Sears just sent me a “Special Invitation | RSVP” letter. I have been “selected” to preview the new ME-100 – a state-of-the-art, digital, wireless-controlled …
Hearing aid.
OK, I know I’m getting old, but I am nowhere near the half-century mark, like the white-haired lady they show on the invitation. I don’t even have white hair. I mean, that’s what plucking is for. So what if I have bald spots here and there.
And why is the woman so happy to be looking at a magnified photo of her ear canal? You’d think it was her first grandchild graduating summa cum laude from pre-K, rather than clumps of earwax.
Sears should check the demographics of the people on its mailing list. Maybe it reckons only old folk shop at Sears, and since I buy stuff there, I must be one of them. Never mind that I picked up granny panties and a muumuu the last time I was there.
You don’t see Macy’s sending me direct-mail pieces on bifocals. Sure, I’ll need this information, EVENTUALLY, but I’m not there yet. Right now, I have to focus my neurotic energies on my biological alarm clock. Then I’ll move on to cellulite, wrinkles, bad knees and, yes, a hearing aid. But all in good time.
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