Magnifying mirrors suck, the addendum

Leave it to women to actually pay for a product that makes them look more weathered and wrinkled than they really are. A product that super-sizes age spots. Turns a furrowed brow into the Grand Canyon. Shows Mt. Etna exploding in pimply pus on the facial landscape. Magnifying mirrors allow women of all ages to fixate on their flaws. And whoever thought of built-in fluorescent lighting was brilliant! It adds dark circles and unflattering shadows requiring immediate attention and thousands of dollars in makeup, botox and plastic surgery. Let us take a moment to thank the inventor of the magnifying mirror: Randolph J. Maybelline.

OK, I made that up. It’s actually Estee M. Keela.