Top 10 things to say to the lady with 15 items in the “9 Items or Less” line.
1. Two-four-six-eight, who can’t keep her numbers straight? You! You! Heeeey you!
2. Look, folks, it’s magic! This woman has transformed us into a regular checkout line!
3. (Take control of the microphone for this one.) Could I get a head check on aisle 1, please? Head check on aisle 1.
4. I guess Express Line means to express an opinion, rather than move fast. So here goes, ‘You suck.’
5. Excuse me, what’s more overrated? The ability to count or literacy?
6. Wow, I didn’t know 15 candy bars count as one item!
7. Since you believe rules were made to be broken, you won’t mind if I slap you?
8. Sing “15 items of things in the line, 15 items of things, I’ll take one out, you boorish lout, 14 items of things in the line,” until there are 9 items or you get beat up, whichever comes first.
9. This stupid Avian flu – COUGH, WHEEZE, HACK! It gets worse whenever there’s an irritant nearby – HACK!
10. Do I hear nine? Can I get a ten? How about 12, 15? Yes, we have 15 items! Sold to the inconsiderate lady in the front!
Your turn: Gee, you could ___________________ with all the extra items you have.
*Grammatically, it should be “9 items or fewer,” but most supermarkets have it the other way.
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