My Absurd Life

How to respond when a rude person says, "No kids yet? Better hurry up."

Rude person: "No kids yet? Better hurry up."
You: "You're right. I should be fornicating with George now, instead of talking to you.

How to respond when a rude person points to your hair and says, “Is that a dye job?”

Rude person: "Is that a dye job?"
You: "No, it’s a family of nits. Have some."

How to respond when a rude person says, "Get a life."

Rude person: "Get a life."
You: "Get a soul."

How to respond when a rude person says, "Where have you been hiding?"

Rude person: "Where have you been hiding?"
You: "Places with nicer people."

How to respond when a rude person says, "You have a huge zit your face." -- Part 2

Rude person says (during an office meeting), "You have a huge zit on your face. Right there!"
You: "You are a huge zit on this planet. Right here."